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5 Signs It’s Psychological Dependence, Not Love

 

Love is a wonderful and strong emotion that can fill our lives and relationships with joy and happiness. However, sometimes what we mistakenly believe is love may actually be a form of unhealthy and harmful psychological dependence. 
In psychological dependence a person feels an excessive and compulsive desire to have another person, often to the point where they neglect well-being and happiness of themselves.
A number of factors can contribute to developing psychological dependence including low self-esteem, insecurity, trauma, or fear of abandonment. 

Here are five signs that you may be experiencing psychological dependence, not love.


1. You feel anxious and insecure when you are apart from your partner.

One of the signs of psychological dependence is that you feel anxiety and insecurity when you are apart from your loved one. You may constantly worry about their whereabouts, their relationships or whether they still love you. 
You may also feel jealous or possessive, and try to control their actions or decisions. You feel like you cannot enjoy your life without your partner by your side.

This is not love, because love is a beautiful relationship that is built on trust and respect. Love allows both partners to maintain  their individual space and interests, and enables couples to encourage their development and happiness. Love makes you confident and secure in yourself and your relationship despite feeling anxious and insecure.

2. You sacrifice your own needs and desires for your partner.

Another indication of psychological dependence is that you may put your partner’s happiness above your own. You sacrifice your own needs and desires for your partner and neglect your own hobbies, passions, goals, or friends. 
You might also ignore your values, morals, principles, or limits for your partner, and do things that make you uncomfortable and against your actual nature.

This is not love, because love is founded on mutual respect and compromise. Love allows both partners to have their own needs and desires, and to communicate them openly and honestly. Love does not make you sacrifice yourself for your partner, but rather encourages you to be yourself and to pursue your own fulfillment.

3. You depend on your partner for validation and approval.

You always rely on your partner for validation and approval is another sign of psychological dependence. You may base your self-worth and self-esteem on how your partner treats you, compliments you, or shows affection to you. 
You may also need  constant assurance from your partner that they love you, value you, or desire you. You feel insecure or unworthy if your partner does not fulfil your expectations or demands.
Love is based on self-love and self-acceptance. Love allows both partners to have their own sense of identity and value, and to appreciate themselves for who they are. Love empowers you to validate and approve yourself.

4. You lose sight of who you are as an individual.

A fourth sign of psychological dependence is that you lose sight of who you are as an individual. You may merge your identity with your partner’s, and adopt their opinions, preferences, habits, or lifestyle. 
You may also lose touch with your own feelings, thoughts, or opinions, and rely on your partner to tell you what to feel, think, or do. You may feel like you have no purpose or meaning without your partner. This isn't love.

Love has its bases on individuality and diversity Love makes couples respect their own personalities, styles, voices, and perspectives, and to respect each other’s differences. Love does not allow you to lose sight of your individuality, but rather encourages you to explore and express yourself.

5. You fear losing your partner more than anything else

You fear losing your loved one more than anything else is the fifth sign of psychological dependence. You may overly cling to your partner, and stay away from any argument or disagreements that may threaten the relationship. 
You can also tolerate any abuse, mistreatment, or disrespect from your partner, and rationalize their behavior or blame yourself for it. You feel like you cannot live without your partner, and if you lose them it would be the end of the world.

Love is based on freedom and courage. Love allows both spouses to express their own individual preferences and opinions to resolve any issues constructively and respectfully. Love does not make you fear losing your partner more than anything else, but rather gives you the strength to face any challenges together or apart.

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